The Difference?
Alright, let’s get something straight here. There is a difference between being communicative, as in communication, and controlling. Controlling someone and expecting clear-cut communication in any sort of relationship needs to be addressed.
Communication in personal life or business is simple. Good morning, how’s it going, what are you up to, what are your plans, etc? This is easy, sharing plans once in a relationship planning things out, and knowing where your significant other is, is normal. Letting each other know what’s happening where you are and what you are up to becomes a daily communication topic since depending on how deep you are into your relationship this may involve, trips, dinners, movies, and meeting up. Sometimes it is about safety and the wellbeing of others.
Controlling or Abuse?
Oh, here comes the “independent” person, right? Don’t tell me what to do, what to wear, where to go and how to do this and that. The jealousy, the fear of cheating, and all the other wonderful things in a relationship can creep up.
“No you can’t do that, can’t wear that, can’t go there!”
This is a different level of control and this can be either a man or a woman. So it’s not about the man or the woman. This controlling behavior can also be abusive in both a verbal form and physical, depending on how much it escalates. The point here is that both men and women who are claiming to be independent are actually in one way shape or form dependent on the other person in a relationship right? After all, you are in a relationship with a person because you want to be there and not because you are forced. One hopes anyway but these days anything is possible. Hopefully, you are with a person because you love them and not only for sex or money.
The Compromise
So this is where it gets fun right? If there had been past trauma of cheating in a relationship there may be more need for this thing called communication. It’s about making the other person feel at ease and communicating with your partner so there are no problems.
A simple message that takes 5 seconds to send can cause an enormous amount of relief and comfort for someone. Letting your partner know what’s up is not control. Not letting your significant other out of the house is control. Not allowing your partner to meet up with their friends or always checking their phone is borderline abusive. Being physically or verbally abusive and calling them names is not only controlling but very abusive. Run from this relationship. Having a bit of compromise and making each other feel comfortable by communicating your wants needs, fears and jealousy is ok. If you fear water and your partner wants to go on a cruise well, that may cause a problem. If you are so detuned from your partner’s needs and wants it may be better to not be in a relationship with someone who is abusive, controlling, or hurtful. Expecting clear and easy communication in this day and age of messaging, social media and video calls there is no excuse.
Seeing your partner’s party pics from a club on social media and finding things out secondhand can be traumatic. Nowadays it is so easy to catch people telling or not telling the truth that clear-cut communication is the best to keep all parties happy. Communicating your wants and needs is not controlling. Not letting your partner see their friends or leave the house is.
