What Is a Single Dad?

Being a single dad means being responsible and being a good role model. My kids never heard me yell and scream. I treated others with respect and used common sense. That was the standard I held myself to every single day. If you’re just joining this series, catch up on Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 first.

Was it hard to keep it together all the time? Sure it was. Between grocery shopping, laundry, cooking and driving the kids everywhere, I got tired. But at least I knew why I did all of it. I was a single dad. Before, I did all the same chores and still had a drunk to babysit and argue with on top of everything else. Did I mention I also had four dogs?

My ex loved dogs. Two kids and four dogs made for a chaotic but fun household. The dogs were outdoor dogs at least and we had plenty of land. As soon as I could, I found homes for three of them. It is not easy to rehome grown German Shepherds. The last one stayed and once I had him neutered, he fit right in with the rest of us.

What Are the Single Dad Stereotypes?

When I told people I was a single dad with full custody, everyone assumed I had done something wrong to get it. Courts rarely award two children full time to a man. So naturally people assumed I shared custody or only had the kids part time. No. I had full custody because my ex ran away.

When I explained the situation, people quickly understood I was not the villain. I didn’t tear the kids from their mom. She chose not to show up. For the first two years she visited once a year. In the past ten years she has contacted my daughter a handful of times. My son and she do not talk.

Why does a man end up as a single dad? In my case, it wasn’t by choice. I didn’t get married planning to get divorced. Shit happens. Life goes on. According to Statista, single-father households have grown steadily over the past three decades, yet the stigma and assumptions still follow us everywhere.

What a Single Dad Can Do

A single dad can do anything, as long as he brings the kids along. Dating gets complicated. I didn’t start dating until a year and a half or two years after my divorce finalised. Too much going on and I didn’t need more complications. Life was simple because only one goal existed.

Make sure the kids are happy. House in order, fed, healthy, well-adjusted. That was all I hoped for and that is exactly what I got. Polite, well-mannered, good kids.

Once things settled, my parents helped out on weekends and that gave me breathing room. Without that support and the flexibility of our family business, things would have been much harder.

Conclusion: The myth that single dads can’t hold it together is simply not true. In fact a single dad who is focused, organised and child-centred can outperform any parent. Read the final chapter in Part 5.