Why do we hurt so much after a breakup?

Why do we hurt so much after a breakup? We invest all this time and effort into relationships and boom, one day it’s over and done. It seems to shock us and surprise us, but let’s face some facts here. We are all hoping to fall in love and have the fairytale relationships we see in the movies. Remember, those are written and developed to make us all hopeful. In some relationships, we know we are going in with a hope and a prayer that it works out. Deep inside we know which ones they are. Some are long shots from the beginning.

Long-distance relationships are one of those long shots. Especially the ones we start off knowing it will be a long-distance relationship. The ones where the trust level is all but a hair away from being broken in the first place are the worst. You kinda knew but hoped for the best and had your hopes up until the guy or the girl says… I’ve met someone, I got back together with my ex or, I don’t want this anymore.

We all go in with positivity.

There is lust, romance, enthusiasm, happiness, and an abundant amount of hope. But then we know the person may or may not be messy, be a different religion, or come from the opposite side of the track and maybe even a different race. Points we know will be a problem or could be a problem down the road.

These are points we all turn a blind eye to in hopes of satisfying any one of the needs above and our loneliness. We all want that special someone, we all want that fuzzy warm feeling we are taught to believe in while we watch the damn movies being thrown at us. Let’s face it, your guy or girl didn’t want kids in the first place. They strung you along and made you believe that they will change their mind, or they can change yours. So, there you go, another breakup for reasons we knew all along… Right? Yes, you knew but you choose to ignore it so your social media feed will be all warm and fuzzy, and now it’s all wet and soggy.

You are the placeholder.

This is the best one, right? You were, are, or will be the placeholder. Like standing in line for someone else to get the golden ticket. You waited and waited and waited some more. But you were a placeholder, a mannequin, or a dummy as you stood in line to be the next one chalked up on the board.

You may have known you were batting way out of your league and your money or charisma was not enough to hold the line. You were kicked out and replaced with either true love or another placeholder. But like I said before, you know where things were headed long before you broke up. Neither of you was sure, neither of you were committed and here we are.

So, what about commitment?

Aha, this is where the dominoes fall. The main problem is that many people are on the hope and a prayer line or the lack of commitment line. Face the facts, we all need to be attracted to our partner to a certain degree. But let’s take that out of the equation and say we are. Now it comes to commitment. By now we know that the odds of things working out are slim to none. But if we all laid our cards on the table and agreed to commit to one another through thick and thin… Things could be different. if we could be honest and trustworthy from the get-go and didn’t play the placeholder game, the cheating game, or the lying game we could come out on top. Maybe the next time you meet someone, lay all the cards on the table and say… We need to talk and then let’s see if we care to commit to this or if we are just fu*king around.