Being a Single, Single Dad
Yes, being a single dad meant I was also single. Unattached. The first year revolved entirely around the separation, divorce papers and securing custody of the kids. If you haven’t read Part 1 and Part 2 of this series yet, start there first.
I didn’t steal the kids from their mom. She had every opportunity for shared custody. She skipped court dates, stopped paying her lawyers and dragged the whole process out longer than it ever needed to go. In the end, I got the house and the kids. She got the villas in Bali.
In that first year I had my hands full. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, guitar lessons, karate, singing lessons. Even if I wanted to date, there was no time. The kids and work came first. As long as they were healthy and happy, I was happy. Simple as that.
Dealing With a New Lifestyle
The hardest adjustment was the evenings. My son and daughter went to sleep by 9 pm. I usually stayed up until 11. Once a week I played soccer and since the kids were responsible and trustworthy, leaving them for a few hours was fine.
The evenings were quiet. Video games, movies, writing. At night I did what I wanted as long as it stayed at home. There was always laundry to deal with anyway. My daughter had a habit of pulling her jeans off with her underwear still inside. Eventually that led to a lesson on how to do her own laundry.
Her bathroom duties followed the same pattern. She brushed her teeth in the shower, which left dried toothpaste all over the tub. Simple rule: comply or do it yourself.
How Do You Cope?
Honestly, coping was not the right word for it. Managing was more accurate. Like running a project. Ongoing, with real consequences if things went sideways.
My daughter handled herself. My son and I had our evening routine and read a lot of books together. Garfield, Sesame Street, Scooby-Doo. This routine existed long before the divorce. My son only fell asleep if I was there, so we kept that going.
Coping meant doing. When problems came up between the kids or myself, we talked, discussed and found solutions together. A level head and open conversation handled almost everything.
Making Your Life Easier
This worked for me and may not work for everyone. Keeping the kids in the loop on the important things gave them a sense of responsibility and real decision-making.
One day at the mall, my daughter wanted everything in sight. I went to the ATM, took out $200, handed each kid $100 and said, buy whatever you want. After walking the whole mall, neither of them spent a single dollar. I walked out with the full $200 still in my account.
According to Verywell Family, giving children real financial responsibility early builds lasting money habits and decision-making skills. That mall trip proved it better than any article ever could.
Conclusion: Give kids real responsibility and they learn fast. Continue with Part 4 where I dig into the stereotypes people threw at me as a single dad.
