When Does “Old” Begin? The Cultural Divide

In Indonesia, you’re considered old at 40 or 50. It’s an age where people are often pushed aside, left out of job opportunities, and expected to fade into the background. In contrast, in countries like Canada, many people in their 70s or even 80s are still working, travelling, and starting new chapters. The difference? One culture sees age as a limitation. The other sees it as a badge of experience.

Loneliness Isn’t Always About Being Alone

There’s a powerful truth many miss: loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone. It’s about being made to feel irrelevant. It’s about having lived a full life and then being quietly overlooked. I’ve seen it firsthand. Older men sitting in cafés, smoking and sipping coffee. Not out of joy, but simply to pass the time. Not waiting for anyone. Just waiting. Period.

The Quiet Expectation and Its Unspoken Weight

Traditionally, Indonesian families took care of their elders. That expectation still exists. But today, many young people struggle to find stable work, while their parents or grandparents assume support will come automatically. This creates tension and disappointment on both sides. And all too often, no one talks about it.

Let’s Change the Narrative on Aging

We need to stop treating old age like a slow fade to black. Aging is an evolution. It comes with scars, wisdom, humor, and history. The older generation has seen things most of us haven’t even imagined. They’ve lived through change, struggle, and growth. They don’t need to be pitied. They need to be heard.

We’ll All Get There One Day

Here’s the truth. One day, we’ll be the ones sitting at that café. We’ll be the ones hoping someone still sees us as valuable. So let’s start now. Let’s talk to the elders in our lives. Let’s ask questions. Let’s give them space at the table, not just out of duty, but because their experience matters.

“You are as old as you feel, or as old as society makes you feel.”