I see.
Oh life, the death you bring, I shall kill you off and be done with it. With each passing minute your solace I seek. It’s not prayers, it’s hope from within. Surround me in your evil ways, teach me how not to reach heaven’s gates.
Torture my soul, until I give in. Set me free from the future I fear. Lost and alone I wander in the darkness. Seeking the paths to take, guide me, lead me onto the streets.
Let me cross roads I have not seen. Experience life I have yet to see. Open my eyes so I am not blind. This world, that I hold so dear, is a wonder of sights to see.
Yet all I see is the world I see.
My world though so full of life and light… I see no future through my eyes. Often times I look to the sky, the puffy clouds floating by. I want to ride them around the world. See sights and sounds I have yet to feel.
Yet life is messed up, disturbing, and troubled. Struggling, pulling heavy weights from the past. Coming to grips with reality each day. Do I awake to see another day?
Gather the strength to see the sunrise. Take one step and then another. Walk, run and seize the day. Or curl up and hide in the emptiness of space.
I seek to help while I am helpless.
Decisions we make each day. The thoughts we manifest, knowingly and involuntarily. Breaking us into bits and pieces. What is the future? Where does it lead? Where is this crystal ball I seek? Where can I see my path and my purpose?
I seek to help while I am helpless. I seek to satisfy while I am dissatisfied. Why all this I ask myself? Where is this life I hold so dear? I seek out paradise to bury myself. To run away from the past I had.
I cannot run away from myself. Followed me here to heaven’s end. Paradise can be so lonely. Each turn, each step to the ocean’s edge, yet I still have not found myself. My shadow haunts me, I can’t get away. The pain of the past won’t go away.
Anger and pain are hidden deep within.
Open wounds that refuse to heal. The scars of the past scorch me. Thought it was all left behind and buried. Uncovered by events I need not mention. Pull me down, hide me away. It’s alright though, I am fine, I really am. Or so I try to tell myself. I do not seek pleasure in vices or to hide in dark corners to relieve myself.
Instead, I reach out to others so I can be myself. It’s a game I play in my head. The pleasure I seek is from you in the end. Simple pleasures, simple things. The smile of others is a pleasure from within. I am not down nor am I out. I hit a pothole and I may be slightly damaged. Nothing irreparable I think… Time heals all wounds and so I wait. The healing must be on its way.
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Zsolt Zsemba 