What is a single dad?
Being a single dad means… being responsible and being a good role model. My kids never heard me yell and scream. I treated others with respect and used common sense.
Was it hard to keep it together all the time? Sure it was… Sometimes between grocery shopping, laundry, cooking and driving the kids here and there I was tired. At least I knew why I was doing all the chores, I was a single dad. Whereas before I was doing all this and I still had a drunk to babysit and argue with on top of everything else. Did I mention I also had four dogs?
My ex was obsessed with dogs. So two kids and four dogs made for a fun household. The one plus side in all this was that the dogs were outdoor dogs and we had plenty of land for them to roam.
As soon as I could, I gave away one of the dogs to a purchaser of ours. The second dog ended up at the vet due to an injury and I luckily found a home for him. It is not easy to find homes for grown German Shepherds.
When my dad’s dog passed away I was able to give him one of our dogs as well. This got me down to a manageable one large stubborn German Shephard. After I had him neutered, he too fit nicely into the well-adjusted family.
What are the single dad stereotypes?
When I mentioned to people that I was a single dad, everyone assumed I had done something evil to “get custody.” For the courts to award two children full time to a man is rare. Naturally, everyone thought I was a part-time single dad. or that I shared custody. No, I had full custody of the kids because my ex ran away.
Often times people asked how and why. When I explained, it quickly became apparent that I was not in the wrong and I didn’t tear away the kids from their mom. She didn’t care and does not care to this day. For the first two years, she came and saw the kids once a year and kept in touch. However, in the past 10 years, she may contact my daughter a few times. My son and her do not talk.
What are the reasons a man ends up as a single dad? Well, it wasn’t by choice. I didn’t get married so that I could get divorced. Shit happens and shit happened. Life goes on.
What a single dad can do?
A single dad can do anything he wants, as long as he takes the kids with him. This makes dating hard. I didn’t date until a year and a half or two years after my divorce was final. I had too many things on the go and I didn’t need to complicate my life. Life was simple because there was only one goal.
Make sure the kids are happy. The house was in order, they were fed, healthy and well-adjusted individuals. This is all I could have hoped for. They were and are polite, well-mannered good kids.
Once I had all my ducks in a row, I sometimes had my parents help out on weekends and this gave me a much-needed break. Without their help and our family business that gave me flexibility my life would have been much harder.
Conclusion: The myth that “single dads are not as together as other dads” is not true. In fact, there are many ways that single dads outshine their partnered counterparts.
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Zsolt Zsemba 