For the Safety of the Family.
We Must talk
So often we have conversations with ourselves. We think about what to say, how we are going to say it and when we should say it. Often enough those words we rehearse in our head are never heard and never spoken.
Why do we hold back our thoughts and bottle them up while they eat away at us? We wait until we hit the boiling point and then in a sudden spark it all comes out in a terrible way. I used to love going to work because it got me away from home. It got me away from the house and my ex. However, each day on my way home I dreaded the thought of entering the house and entering the unknown.
It was unknown because I was unsure of what I would find. I was unsure if there would be an argument, yelling or screaming. The knot in my stomach and the feeling of actual fear was always there. A mystery box of sorts right up to the point when I opened the door.
The Principal speaks. Drinking and Driving, the end of the Road.
This evening was no exception, except for one major thing. I had a call from the school principal and she confirmed my suspicions. My ex was picking our children up from school under the influence. She told me she clearly smelled alcohol on my ex’s breath. The whole day and of course the drive home, this was all that was on my mind.
I would most likely never have stayed with my ex if the kids were not a factor. However, now this was the one and only factor for me and that was their safety. Living with an alcoholic is not fun. Not when they turn mean, aggressive, argumentative and pure evil. But today was very different, today was about the kids.
Save the Children. The BIG Argument
We all have arguments, if you don’t then God bless you because you are an angel. But this was big. After dinner, I had to confront my ex about the information without giving away how I know that she had been drinking so early on in the day.
I decided to just go for it. I asked if she had been picking up the kids from school while drinking. By this time she had already had a few glasses of wine and she was ready to argue but I cut in. I asked her bluntly… How would you feel if the kids or others were killed because of your drinking and driving? How would you feel if you got into an accident and killed the kids and you survived?
For once I seemed to hit a nerve. This was a clincher and another time I thought I had a win. I quickly continued and added that no one is putting the bottle in her hands and especially not at 3:30 to 4:00 PM in the afternoon. The silence that filled the room was amazing. There was no rebuttal, no screaming and yelling from her. I left before she could say a word.
Guilt? Can anyone actually change?
Looking back I feel I can honestly say people can change but there is one catch. They need to want to change. They need to see that there is a problem even if they don’t fully admit it. They need to know that something is wrong and that their behaviour is not acceptable to others. An alcoholic sees this and knows but they are struggling and the lure of the contents of the bottle is stronger than their willpower. The family of an alcoholic knows that living with an alcoholic is terrible. Yet they are both stuck.
In this case, I had another small win, it made my ex think and do a little soul searching. Was it enough to make a change? Can an alcoholic change?
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