Confronting The Alcoholic?
How do You Intervene with an Alcoholic?
After I got a call from my ex’s boss that her work was suffering, I realized I needed to say something. This was easier because it was not coming from me. Someone else outside the family had noticed.
Always good to get a little support from outsiders and talking to others helps one realize that they are not in the wrong. This was to be a different conversation because it was work related.
Discussions such as this are difficult and starting such a conversation, you find yourself talking to yourself and going over it in your mind. Like asking out someone for a date, you are afraid of rejection or in this case another fight.
The Emotional Aspect. Confronting a Drunk.
Being called a drunk seems much harsher than an alcoholic but it’s the same shit, different pile. When I finally got around to this important matter, I had pulled together all the collective knowledge from the internet and set off.
Trying to make this about the family and work and how this is going a bit deeper than we had anticipated we need to talk. It was all about caring and support and how we can help. Well, the talk went exactly as predicted. The chat went nowhere because the admission was not there. She claimed it was a mix-up and she would fix it. But the cat and mouse game went on and the bottles lined up two by two now behind the plywood. It was incredible to see how alcohol can be consumed at the same rate as water.
Our Daughter Knew. Alcoholism Affected the Family.
Since our daughter was about 9, she knew that her mother was not well. She knew that the alcoholism in the family was a real thing. She knew that the lies or miss use of words from mom were because of her drunkenness and so I decided to have a chat with her.
We had a long chat and as I explained things, it was evident that she knew. She knew from the behaviour of her mom and me that things were not ok. I showed her the line of bottles behind the plywood and by this time I knew I needed her to know and to be on my side.
I know it seems selfish, but I had two kids and a drunk wife to deal with nearly every evening now. These things all came together, and things slowly became worse. The dark clouds still loomed over us, and the thunderstorms came more often. More arguments, fights, disagreements and so on.
Showing my daughter the bottles was a plan for me… May not have been a good one but it was my plan.
Guilt and Admission. Alcoholics Lie.
My absolutely brilliant plan was to guilt her into admission as my daughter and I confront her. The plan I thought was simple and effective. But as luck would have it, it was not. The confrontation was a flop. We are all crazy, yes, she drinks a little too much, but all is well. It’s just wine and there is nothing wrong.
Not what we wanted and no positive outcome at all. There was guilt and there was an admission, but the lies… Well, back we went and this time it grew into a massive fight. My ammunition was the bottles, the dozens of bottles in the garage.
Unfortunately, we were both mentally exhausted and dealing with issues of our own now. Mine was the family, doing nearly all the housework and taking care of the kids. This confrontation with the bottles was a win for me.
Zsolt Zsemba 