A Slow Transition into Darkness
Speaking from personal experience… My ex-wife and our family went through a transition so to speak. This transition was not a welcomed one but it happened. We moved from Indonesia to Canada and started a relatively new life.
Before working remotely was even a thing, we worked remotely, writing from Ontario Canada to Indonesia. It was a fantastic opportunity, writing scripts from home AND making a living was amazing.
At this time, we had a son and all was going amazingly well. After my son was no longer breastfeeding, the change began. This change was very slow and only in hindsight can I now comment on the events.
When you are in the thick of things, many small changes can go unnoticed. This was such a case. Watching grass grow or paint dry is how these things creep up in real life. The small changes in behaviour go unnoticed and only when you look back can it be clearly seen.
Being a somewhat eccentric writer, my ex did not like being bothered at all while writing. This is understandable and acceptable. No one wants to lose their train of thought. These changes were taking place. She was becoming more irritable and little things were now big things. Little by little she was changing and the family didn’t notice.
How Did This Darkness Creep in? How Did we Not See it?
A dark cloud rolled in and hovered over the house for a long time. At first, this darkness only brought a few problems. It was more aggravation and a little bit of anger, and some misunderstandings.
Unfortunately, in a relationship, these little bits and pieces of behavioural changes go unnoticed until one day you wake up to bigger problems and darker clouds. These darker clouds only brought sporadic precipitation and all seemed normal. Dealing with this was manageable but stressful. These were the signs of trouble, but as we all know, we tend to overlook and even make excuses as to why these little things are ok and hopefully temporary. Looking back, they were the telltale signs of how things were going to really accelerate.
Understand the Signs and The Slow Change.
The irritability and unsettled behaviour of my ex in this situation were completely understandable to me at the time. Pressures of deadlines, pressures of having changed countries and a new life was the issue. Or so I thought. Having had two children and work can add up.
Except that I took care of the kids most and we had a nanny during the day. So these pressures were far, far less than on a family who didn’t have the luxury of working from home and having a nanny.
Shortly after this, I took another position that my ex convinced me to take and looking back this was a terrible turning point where the small bits of precipitation turned into rain. Having to leave for work every day was now a time for other things to occur and take a turn for the worse.
This is not to blame anyone; these changes came on slowly and the very slow attraction to alcohol began to come through. Once more these were so slow and so subtle that only after the fact was this all crystal clear.