Ones passing is always sad and terrible. We mourn the one that passes and reflects on them in a positive light. List off their achievements… Explain to the attendees at the funeral why this person was so special to us.
My uncle was a teacher, an engineer and a businessman. He touched many lives throughout his life. He was a wonderful caring husband to my aunt for over 60 years. On and on the list could go…
The one that passes however is no longer aware of the pain. Be it a disease or an accident, we can only guess and hope that they are feeling no pain. Some pray… Some don’t… But we all hope that the person that passes can see and feel that they are missed.
We are the living. As much as we try to imagine and research death, no one knows what awaits us on the other side. We take educated guesses and read religious texts. The truth is we do not know.
“What we do know is how it feels to be the ones mourning the passing of another…”
This is not about my mom, but my mom and I said goodbye over and over when she was in the hospital. She knew she was not going to escape death. We said what we wanted to say, we relived the memories we wanted to relive and yet her passing is saddening. We all dealt with death. Nevertheless, when my aunt spoke about her husband she had a different tone.
Yes, she missed him and wished he had not left her of course. This is where she felt let down. She knew he wanted to pass as I mentioned in parts one and two of this Blog. They were both aware and well prepared for their passing. My uncle made sure that all the details were taken care of right down to the opera he wanted everyone to hear at his funeral. My aunt and uncle even lived in separate apartments in the old age home so they would get used to living alone if either of them had passed on.
No matter what though my aunt only said, “I fought so damn hard.” By this, she referred to her days at the hospital. She spent her days fighting to stay alive and to stay in this world with her beloved husband. I cannot be certain but she felt let down by my uncle’s lack of fighting spirit.
There was one thing that my aunt didn’t quite grasp and that was that for six months my uncle did everything in his power to help my aunt survive and recuperate. Six months at the age of 86 is not a small undertaking. Taking care of my aunt at home, then went to the hospital every day to support his wife during covid.
“All the while dealing with (unknown to us a the time) mental health issues of his own.”
This was the key factor to my uncle’s death and one that my aunt and us as a family will never fully comprehend. None of us knew what was going through my uncle’s head.
“All we know is, that near the end when my aunt recuperated, he fell to pieces.”
This falling to pieces didn’t happen overnight. We slowly learned that he prepared very well for this after my aunt was safely at home, he too became ill. Was it the pressure? Was it his duty to make sure that his wife gets better before he could give up the fight? It sure seemed that way.
Thus we are left with his passing, my aunt is left with emptiness. A few boxes of items to remind her of a lifetime with a great man. I hope my uncle is now swinging a golf club on the most incredible golf course he could imagine.
Goodbye, uncle Joe, you are missed.
#seniors #old #oldage #care #oldagehome #health #wellness #seniorliving #living #family #death #alone #sad
Zsolt Zsemba 